I FEEL CREAM

Wednesday is usually our "date night". This past Wednesday was the first night in months that Andy wouldn't have to work late. I felt like I had been patiently awaiting this night. I even planned a good dinner and homemade dessert to celebrate.



Then Andy told me he had to check on James' cats before he came home. He works an hour away on a good day (usually 1 1/2 hours in rush hour) and James lives 40 minutes away from us, in the opposite direction of Andy's work. Still, Andy assured me he'd be home by 7.



At 7:45, Andy called to say he was on his way home from James' house. I was upset, knowing he wouldn't be home until well after 8 and likely tired. I was hungry too. It's frustrating to try and time a dinner to be ready at a certain time and then have the guest of honor be 1 1/2 hours late. So I told Andy I was going to eat.



"Go ahead and eat," he agreed, a little too cheerfully.



"I am," I replied and added "and I guess I'll walk the dog since you won't be home for a while."



I walked the dog all over town, trying to get a grip on my anger and formulate what I would say to my husband. We were gone for over an hour. I gave up on walking my anger away, knowing I'd have to face the music and talk to my husband.



When I came home, I went to the basement to pull up my trunk of summer clothes, the trunk Andy's been promising to pull up since mid-April. I threw things around, trying to dig out the trunk, and getting a physical release of my anger without breaking anything or anyone.

By then, I was angry, hot and sweaty so I hit the shower. I took a long shower.



A little calmer, I went into the office to talk to Andy. I told him something that surprised me but came clear on my walk. I was feeling taken for granted. I told Andy I knew he didn't mean to make me feel this way, but I felt that way nonetheless. I needed him to know -- and then I asked him to clean up from the spoiled dinner.



We agreed that these past couple of months have been rough -- for him because work got so busy he had time or energy for little else. For me because work is no longer there and work wasn't just work, it was my business. And what comes next for me is not something I can figure out for myself -- I need to talk this over with my husband. So, we agreed to make the time for us and to not sign up for any new obligations for the next couple of months. We'd have to learn to say "no" to our friends.



Friday, Andy called me from work to check in, knowing that I was upset because he had told me for 2 weeks that he was taking the day off. More work obligations so how could I not be understanding? Andy suggested we go out that night, maybe dinner and a movie -- my pick. So, I picked a restaurant we had never been to in our neighborhood (in part because they have Patron xo Cafe -- coffee-flavored tequila!) where we could sit and enjoy dinner and cocktails and conversation. Which is what we did and it was good. We finally talked about what comes next for me and for us. Careers and family-wise. It was the beginning of a long conversation and I'll take it.



--------------------------------------

Today, I have red currants and strawberries from the farmers' market. There are surprisingly few recipes online for fresh red currants. I decided to make sorbet. Here's my recipe:

150 ml (2/3 c) water
140 g (5/8 c) sugar
1/2 t lime zest
1/2 c red currant juice*
1/2 c strawberry juice*
juice of 2 limes

In a small saucepan, bring sugar, water and lime zest to a boil. Reduce heat to simmer and simmer for 5 minutes. Cool completely.

Mix your fruit juices with sugar syrup to taste (add as much syrup as you want depending on how sweet you want the sorbet -- I added the whole amount).

Pour mixture into ice-cream maker and whirl away according to manufacturer's directions. Enjoy!

*(I juiced mine in a juicer but you can put in a food processor and strain out the seed)